Blerg.

[moominmuppet]

I hate how hard it becomes to communicate when I'm depressed. I just stop being able to focus ... to make words and thoughts follow each other in any particularly meaningful pattern. I'm glad that I'm stuck going to work every day (I've requested the time off for forestfire and leyloken's wedding, so I've got to be really good about attendance between now and then). I want to be able to curl up and hide, I hate being here trying to focus on work, but that's not such a good plan, as evidenced by this weekend. I ended up spending the vast majority of it sleeping. To a point that was needed, but after that point it just got... blech. Avoidant in all the worst ways I'm prone to. I'm working on sorting out how to manage the practicalities of our household, and hopefully get it inched a bit further from the edge, but I'm having real problems getting moving on that. I'm going to try to divert more of my focus that direction this week, so I may not be doing much more than skimming LJ.

On the positive side, I just heard from V over email -- I've been freaking and stressing about whether to try to get to FL for her wedding or not. I've been meaning to call and talk to her about it, but have been all sorts of avoidant about that, as well. The conversation seems to be heading toward "she won't mind if I can't make it", which means that I can instead look at trying to get time together with her sometime when things aren't so wedding-hectic. I'm feeling really relieved about that, since I'd feel like shit if I hurt her feelings over it.

On the down side, one of my best friends isn't speaking to me. Lovely. Still trying to sort out exactly wtf went on there. I don't particularly feel deeply at fault for what I think was the initial complaint she had about me, but I could have dealt substantially better with the two phone conversations. Conciliatory I wasn't. At the end of the latter conversation I hung up on her. I'm still trying to sort out the pieces and make sense of it, but the whole thing feels all muzzy and distant in weird ways (that whole focus and assembling conversation to make sense thing), yet has been on my mind all weekend. I feel like I should be doing damage-control at the moment, but I'm just tired and puzzled. Partly over her actions/reactions, largely over mine.

Comments

[forestfire.livejournal.com]

Who, honey?

Re:

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

J.

[yoli.livejournal.com]

Take a look at your darkside. See what's going on in there. It's a rough time to be anything. I've already freaked out for the year. I'm still not dealing too well with whatever's I'm supposed to be doing. It's tax time in the American plutocracy. If I see that ex-CIA bastard G B Sr, or, as I like to call him, G-1, one more time I think I'll do something rash, like eat refried beans, ice cream and DP for breaksfast. Wait that is what I had for breakfast, with a healthy portion of Willie on the side.

But seriously get a book. There are new Sheri Tepper and Douglas Adams books out. Or if you're feeling adventurous check out Christopher Moore's Lamb: The Story of Jesus Christ as told by his Childhood Friend, Biff. He's like Tom Robbins without a point.

When I get sleep depressed the only thing that will halfway talk me out of the funk is a really engaging book. Stephanie may be coming to visit.

Love you,
Landa

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

Stephanie K?

Terry Pratchett is my current "make me giggle" reading, although pulling out the Tom Robbins might not be a bad idea at the moment. I have to balance it some, though, because I'm as prone to avoiding the world by hiding in books as I am by hiding in sleep. Mostly, I'm just bad about hiding in general. Unfortunately, hiding has the rather negative effect of destroying my life in financial and practical fuckalls, carried to too much of an extreme. I do seem to do ok with a hide/cope/hide/cope approach, though, which is basically what I'm trying to accomplish at the moment. I'm actually feeling a little bit better today, because I got started on some financial planning stuff (finances have always been the deeply scary part of my life -- the part that can fuck everything else up if I let it).

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[yoli.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same boat. But it gets easier. Find what works for you and don't be embarrassed about the shit you don't know or haven't taken care of. After all can you go back in time and fix it? So fuck that shit. Always be reorganizing your finances until you find what works for you. It changes all the time according to what's going on in your life. Which for me usually makes it even scarier.
Sometimes I feel like I have more jobs than a Jamaican. But having too much to do keeps me from coming apart, and the extra money is very nice.
Christopher Moore is like Tom Robbins with less angst, and all his books are out in paperback now. They make me laugh harder than 7 sicilian sailors swimming the seven seas, even Bloodsucking Fiends. Got to check him out.
I get worried that I spend so much time reading and stop for a while. Too much time in other people heads I call the feeling. Still nothing makes me feel as wise as finishing a good book.

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[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

Got to check him out.

Will do... Finally got a Cleveland area library card (the Mt Vernon one just wasn't doin' me a hell of a lot of good), so I'll see about requesting his stuff...

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[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

OK, just filed online requests for four of his books... Should be at the library on my bus route soon (I've been plotting that there should be library stops at all the major RTA train stops -- stop by on the way to work, request a book, return what you've finished reading -- it'd be beautiful).