Mark Morford is a little ray of light in my day.

Nothing Left To Lie About

With BushCo reaming the nation on just about every possible front, is implosion imminent?

By Mark Morford


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Tick.... Tick.... Tick....

I'm all antsy waiting for the end of the day. forestfire and leyloken are on their way here, and I'm feeling deeply impatient. And nervy. And wired. And exhausted.

Spent most of the evening cleaning house (desperately needed), got to bed way too late, then couldn't fall asleep. Then woke up at 5am and worked on the house some more before heading into work. We're having an "office birthday party" today. We don't do individual birthday stuff, just one big party once a year. I got drafted to help organize. Oh. The Joy. On the plus side, I now have a big bag of leftovers to take home to Becca for her night shifts.

lunatickle is being wonderful, and coming over to check on Jax while Becca's at work. 14 hour shifts are not conducive to letting the dog out for pee breaks.

*twitch* *twitch* My leg's bouncing about a mile a minute. I'm too damn wired. Dammit, I want them here now! Life's been above and beyond the usual level of hecticness for forestfire recently, and we haven't gotten a chance to really talk and catch up since the wedding. I definitely need best friend time with her. And I really want to see leyloken, too. I've talked to him more recently and frequently, but phones aren't his favorite mode of communication, and I much prefer face time with him.

Becca's commented recently on how much time my head's on New York, rather than here. Ever since I made the decision to definitely move there next summer some part of me has started to detach from here. Moves are very slow very big things for me, and this really does rather follow my usual pattern. I did the same thing in Mt. Vernon about a year before I left there. Once I make a decision like that, I seem unable to set it aside and remind myself that I still have another year-and-change of being here. I need to be more careful about that, though. I know it's hitting some buttons for Becca (nothing like living with someone who's persistently psychologically absent from the current environs). It seems like the process has been going on for a while. When Mike and I were together, I was looking at the life I was creating in Cleveland as something pretty long-term; foreseeable future, basically. When we split, I spent a while sorting out whether I was going to end up moving then, and detached a good deal for a while in mental preparation. Then I decided I was staying for a while, and kind of settled back in, but never as deeply. I reinvolved myself in some of the groups and activities I'd taken a hiatus from, but only the essentials. It's all most obvious in the way the house is. In the apartment with Mike, I spent a lot of time organizing, getting things the way I wanted, setting up my workbench and tool area, all that. I've been living in the new apartment for a year. I haven't put up decorations. Most of my life is still in boxes in the storage room. It feels like college again (where my boxes just followed me, and I dug through them as necessary, rather than trying to settle in too much to a place I'd only be living for nine months). And some part of me doesn't want to form new connections here (either to people or to the place itself -- I get strongly attached to places) when I know I'm leaving. I have such a hard time pulling up roots that as soon as I know I'm going to have to, I stop sending out any new tendrils. I worry that I'll get derailed; that I'll fall more in love with where I am, and won't be able to bring myself to leave.

*bounce*

They're outside!

I'm off work in 21 minutes, and can then go see them. Hooray!