Some thoughts on bullying from another conversation

[moominmuppet]

In a discussion of high school, and reunions, and that sort of thing:

There are a few of the freaks who defended me that I remember fondly, but overall, I have no interest in being in contact with the vast majority of the people I went to high school with.

My experience really varied over time -- in elementary school I was big enough to be the person who beat up the boys who picked on the girls, and I had a tendency ever since that to be a "defender" of sorts. At summer camps and other "away from home" events I generally did well with making friends, although almost always chose the other freaks and outcasts. My biggest problems were in public school, when I moved to Davison in 8th grade. Being the new kid in the system as well as being a minister's kid and "the kid who skipped a grade" singled me out enough, even aside from my overwhelming geekiness. For a long time I wore weird as a shield, and that was semi-self-protective, and later on I physically confronted my harrassers (and won), which got them to back off substantially, but I'll never forget Michelle Hull throwing Jason Gist against a locker for messing with me in 8th grade, when I was too new and lacking in self-confidence to stand up for myself.

The experiences back then have a lot to do with how I handle clinic escorting now, both in terms of wanting to protect and stand with the women coming to the clinic, and in terms of how I perceive the bullying of the antis. I'm generally very good at maintaining my cool with them, and laughing at them a lot, largely because my primary experience with non-physical bullying was that failure to elicit a response and being mocked are two of the more effective tactics for making them utterly batshit.

I still have a few sore hot-buttons about the crap back then, but overall I was very fortunate. I had a family who believed me when bullying happened, and who stood up for me when necessary and appropriate. I had friends who'd often dealt with the same crap themselves, I had activities that allowed social interaction without bullies (Science Olympiad, Quiz Bowl, etc) and friends/protectors amongst what I fondly recall as "the black leather crowd" who weren't ok with injustice and other bullshit. Similarly kind folks helped me through my awkward years at the beginning of college, too.

Comments

[keelywolfe.livejournal.com]

but I'll never forget Michelle Hull throwing Jason Gist against a locker for messing with me in 8th grade, when I was too new and lacking in self-confidence to stand up for myself.

Heh, yeah, she was always something else, wasn't she, all 5'4" of her. No one ever picked on me in high school. *G*

She's a teacher now, you know. Always a fave amongst the students and she spends way too many of her lunch hours helping all of them out. :)

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

She sure was/is! You'd mentioned last time I saw you, years ago, that she's a teacher now, and I honestly couldn't be happier.

Feel free to tell her I remember her fondly and most appreciatively.

[jajy1979.livejournal.com]

Other than knowing where a few of my old friends from middle school and high school are, I don't have any real contact with them, and it's part of the reason I don't bother with farcebook. I don't really want to be found by them, not that they'd necessarily care to look for me either, but still. Michael, Ryan, and Natalie were the last, and that was 7 years ago for each of them. Unless you count Jordan, who I hear from now and again, but whom I see as more your peer than mine despite the overlap. I wonder some days, but for the most part I'm pretty good about not caring what happened to people who treated me like shit.

I think I got bullied far more than you did though, and I have the noted lack of a real high school experience, having only spent a year and a half in the institution. Though I did have a small cadre of people I would spend time with, only a few would get in between me and a fight (Luke mostly). I was also resented on my quiz bowl team for taking a spot on the varsity squad as a freshman when there were several sophomores who thought they were deserving.

Mom didn't help either, because her actions only resulted in more bullying, and this has resulting in a tremendous difference in our responses to bullying.

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

*nod* I mostly use Facebook to keep in touch with friends from college, although there are a few isolated folks from high school on there (like Alan Terlep, for example). I mostly just ignore the requests from people I don't remember -- most of them seem to be going for the "complete Davison set" rather than trying to contact me for any particular reason.