Life and weirdness

[moominmuppet]

Really feeling worn out and exhausted today. On the positive side, no headache, and relatively minimal body aches. I took one of my small supply of provigil, so hopefully I'll be in better shape in a bit.

And a few hours later I'm feeling better, but weirder. It's rare I think of my most serious ex; it's been more than a decade, I made what efforts I could to rebuild or at least make comfortable peace since we still share a social group (see next link, actually) and live in the same city. No luck. So despite historically having a ridiculously hard time letting go of friends (that's the part that messes with me when parting is on bad terms, even when it's a romantic/sexual relationship), I've finally been pretty clear that it's something I can just drop, and be happy that he's happy with his life and I'm happy with mine, and hope that we navigate reunions ok. For him to come up today, of all days, is extra weird, since it's his birthday. So, anyway, blarg. Still, can't really say life sucks; I've screwed up plenty in my life, and only know of two people who actively and intensely want to avoid me (Cheers, Josh and Mike, and I hope life treats you well). And the third I feared was in that camp is back in my life, so yay for that!

HuffingtonPost: The Best Colleges For Students Slow At Making Friends -- #5, Kenyon College. To say I was "socially unskilled" when I got to Kenyon would be generous. Folks actively took me in and tolerated all my growing pains and helped nudge me in less obnoxious directions (it's a lot of why I still tend to "adopt" folks who need a bit of safe space). Given that I'm still in loose contact with several dozen friends from there, and still very close to at least 10 or so (almost 20 years after the fact), I'd say they've got my vote. And every time I visit (every few years), I'm amazed at how many of the staff and employees still remember me by name despite the years (influenced by the fact that I worked there as well, but still...) And now I'm all nostalgic and verklempt and shit ;) (I have two "nostalgia" icons -- the aerial view of my childhood home, woods, and ponds, and the above icon of the turtle wall painting in the Peep Lounge at Kenyon)

And I think I'm cutting out the rest of the linketies and making them a separate post, since this one got more personal than usual.

Comments

Hugs

[praeus.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that it came up today. I know how hard it can be to deal with such things. I also understand the feeling of not wanting to let go of people or not having them be upset with you. But you are right to feel that it is something you should ultimately drop. That doesn't necessarily make it any easier though. I'm here if you need anything.