Updated with minor revisions, corrections, and expansions on 4/15/12. For anyone who doesn't know me, my perspective in evaluating books like this is largely informed by being a queer feminist sexuality educator* and reproductive rights activist with an interest in intersectionality.
My reviews are probably most useful for parents and other adults who are philosophically in favor of an open and nonjudgmental attitude about bodies and sexuality, but are concerned about how to accomplish that in day-to-day life, or looking for resources that won't undermine the work they're already doing to raise their kids this way.
* Advocates for Youth and Scarleteen are orgs I deeply respect in that arena, for a more detailed sense of my philosophies. I am not professionally affiliated with them or any other organization. I am also not being compensated in any way for my book reviews.This is the one I've been raving about, and promising a full-length review:
Kids' Book Review: It's Not The Stork! A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends
by Robie H. Harris
Illustrated by Michael EmberleyThis is the first book in a series by Harris and Emberley. I haven't read the latter two yet, but I can't wait! Once I get them from the library I expect I'll also be posting similarly detailed reviews. I find that with sex ed the devil's often in the details, hence my almost page-by-page approach here. At this point, from the other reviews I've read of them, and from my impressions of this book, they're likely good bets in the sex ed book selection game, though.
It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (Ages 4-up)It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (Ages 7-up)It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (Ages 10-up)(links are to Amazon, but don't forget your friendly local indie bookstore!)How do I love this book? Let me count the ways!All direct quotes from the book are in italics. My comments are in regular text. I've quoted extensively so folks can know exactly what they're getting into in terms of any potentially "controversial" topics.Introduction: Bird and Bee Go to the Zoo, and Chapter 1: So-ooo Many Questions!+ The introduction for parents and teachers is helpful and calming for those who are stressed about tackling these topics.
+ It starts by introducing two "kid" characters, a bird and a bee. One is eager to learn more, one is reticent and somewhat uncomfortable. Nice way of reflecting varying childrens' attitudes about talking about bodies and sexuality.
+ It's very diverse in terms of race and ethnicity, includes one visibly disabled kid, and is surprisingly diverse in terms of body shapes and sizes. It's LGB and extended-family friendly. (see my one complaint, at the bottom, to see why I said LGB and not LGBT)
+
Asking questions is a great way to find out about lots of things. Asking a grownup -- your mommy, your daddy, or aunt, uncle, or grandparent, or your nurse or doctor -- is a great way to find answers to your questions.
Looking through a book on your own, or asking your teacher or librarian or someone you know well to read a book to you, are other great ways to find answers -- Hoorah for encouraging kids to ask questions and research!
Chapter 2: Girls Do This, Boys Do That + This is all illustrations of mixed gender pairs of kids clarifying that they do the _same_ things:
"Girls laugh and shout and make a lot of noise!" / "So do boys!""Girls cry when they see scary monsters!" / "So do boys!""Boys have short hair" / "So do girls!"+ Over and over, I found this a theme in the book, and one I particularly appreciated. Every time they address sex differences, they start by emphasizing similarities. In a world sorely afflicted with "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" thinking, I really appreciate seeing this reflected so clearly.
Chapters 3-7: Same? Different? / Toe to Head / Head to Toe / What Boys Have / What Girls Have+ This is the basic body identification and explanation. It's all quite adorably illustrated.
+ The 'similarities before differences' approach continues with the explanation of physical difference; those few parts that are different are identified in drawings that also identify all the parts that are the same (in fact, the first image is of both kids from the back, so
everything is the same). Also, in terms of normalization, penis and vulva and anus and nipples are listed alongside thumb and hair and elbow and knee. I approve. Later on, when explaining the reproductive system, it's also clarified that along with some different structures, boys and girls both have similar internal bits too (bladder and urethra).
+ Erections are handled well and clearly:
The PENIS hangs in front of the scrotum. Sometimes penises get hard and stick out. That's called "Having an erection." Baby boys, boys, and men all have erections. Baby boys even have erections before they are born, while they are growing inside their mothers' bodies.+ Circumcision is handled very appropriately for this age group, without being ignored as a source of confusion:
The loose skin at the end of the penis is called the "foreskin." Some baby boys' foreskins are removed a few days after they are born. Some baby boys' foreskins are not removed. That's why some penises look different from other penises.+ Answers to important questions!
In all, boys have two openings between their legs -- the opening at the tip of the penis and the anus.In all, girls and women have three openings between their legs -- the opening to the urethra, the opening to the vagina, and the anus (and the cartoons of the kids checking out their anuses in a mirror is really adorable!)
+ The clitoris is labeled and identified! Yay for not just skipping past one of the more important bodily bits a woman should know!
Inside the vulva is a small bump of skin, about the size of a pea, called the CLITORIS (that's all it says about it, but that seems just fine for this age group)
Chapter 8: Girls Grow Up, Boys Grow Up-- See my one complaint below
Chapter 9: So Many Eggs! So Many Sperm!+ Basic biology, well handled and well illustrated.
Chapter 10: It's Not the Stork!I'm going to quote a lot of this chapter, since it's one of those areas where folks are most uncomfortable around kids' sex ed books. I think it's lovely and well-addressed:
To make a baby, a sperm from a man's body and an egg from a woman's body must get together.
When grownups want to make a baby, most often a woman and a man have a special kind of loving called "making love" -- "having sex" -- or "sex." This kind of loving happens when the woman and the man get so close to each other that the man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina.
(there is one illustration of a male/female couple under a blanket with naked arms and legs sticking out. It looks more cuddly than sexy to me, and I think it's very inoffensive)
Children are much too young to do the special kind of loving -- called "sex" -- that grownups do. (cartoon character aside: "Whew! I'm GLAD I'm TOO young!")
When grownups have sex, sperm can swim out through the small opening at the tip of the man's penis -- and into the woman's vagina. Then the sperm swim through her vagina and through her uterus and into her two fallopian tubes.
If just one sperm meets and joins together with an egg that's in one of the Fallopian tubes -- an amazing thing can happen! The beginning cells of a baby can start to grow! -- As a reproductive rights activist, I appreciate the "can" instead of "will" language here. I also REALLY appreciate the anatomical accuracy about fertilization happening in the Fallopian tubes not the uterus. More on that in the next chapter.
+
Sometimes, a sperm and egg are not able to meet inside a woman's body. That's when a doctor can take an egg and sperm and put them into a little dish where the sperm can swim into the egg. Then the doctor puts the egg inside the woman's uterus and the beginning cells of a baby can start to grow. Or the doctor can put sperm into the woman's vagina, where the sperm swim until they meet an egg in one of her Fallopian tubes. -- Excellent and simple explanations that radically increases the inclusivity of the book, as that really does pretty much cover all the current possibilities for all types of families (adoption is covered a bit later, but we're talking about actual baby-making here).
Chapter 11-15: The BIG Swim / The Growing Womb / Pinpoint to Watermelon / The Twisty Cord / All Day, All Night+ The illustrator knows his stuff. I giggled out loud at the splash of yellow when the egg is ejected from the ovary. They don't bother identifying it as
corpus luteum but that's definitely how I interpreted it!
+ They are clear and accurate about the different between fertilization and implantation:
When the egg and sperm join together, they are called a "zygote" (We're a GOAT? Not a billy-goat! a ZY-GOTE!)
The zygote begins to grow into a ball of cells... (Hey! I'm growing bigger!)[in an illustration with a sign saying "Fallopian tube" and an arrow pointing to "Uterus", the zygote says "Off on a 5-day trip!"]
...and floats along to the woman's uterus. (I made it! So warm and comfy here!)
The uterus is also called the "womb" Once the ball of cells plants itself in the womb, that's when a woman is "pregnant." -- Rock on, you medically accurate educators, you! This one is a huge deal for me because of the current political situation. There is a massive right-wing push to redefine "pregnancy" as starting from fertilization, instead of from implantation (as doctors now define it). This is where all those debates about whether hormonal contraceptives and IUDs are abortifacient or not comes from. By the current medical definition, absolutely not. However, since they might cause a fertilized egg to not implant, many on the religious right consider them so. I don't expect kids reading this book to understand the importance of this, but I like that they're getting the right info from the get-go. And maybe their parents will end up better educated too!
- Very minor complaint; I kind of wish there was some mention of miscarriage, at least. Some acknowledgement that pregnancies don't always go to term, although obviously this book isn't directed at kids ready to understand contraceptives and abortion.
+ Pregnant women are decidedly individual and humanized throughout the book. Even with see-through bellies, they aren't at all reduced to just being the wrapping around the baby. They're even shown as having desires of their own, shockingly! On the page that clarifies that the stomach and the uterus aren't the same place, the "Pregnant Woman at the Movies" is labeled "hungry woman". This made me giggle. In the explanation of how the umbilical cord works her BRAIN is even labeled (along with stomach and lungs)!
+ The medical explanations of fetal development are good and accurate. Nothing too much to comment about here until Chapter 16.
Chapter 16: Boy? Girl? 1 Baby? 2 or More?- I'd like to clarify that I'm more frustrated by society than by the book's author. They're already pushing the limit of what many people will accept in a book for kids this young. Still, an entire page about girl or boy, one or more, and not a single mention of intersexuality or transsexuality here or back in Chapter 8 where we learned that girls become women and boys become men? They've handled everything else so well in a very low-key "sometimes things are this way, but something they're that way" approach, and I'm sure they could've added a line or two to at least indicate that there are other possibilities. I get particularly irked about it in this chapter because they mention quadruplets and quintuplets. In fact, the word "quintuplets" appears three times on that page! See the end of this post for some links about relative frequency of quintuplets vs relative frequency of intersexuality and transsexuality. (fwiw, I think transsexuality ought to have been a line or two in Chapter 8, and intersexuality belongs here in Chapter 16)
Chapter 17/18: It's a Baby! / Happy Birthday!Most babies are born in a hospital. Some babies are born at home. Most times special people -- doctors or midwives, nurses or doulas -- help the mommy while her baby is being born. Often times the daddy, or the partner, or sometimes aunts, uncles, grandparents, or good friends, also help. -- Again, I love how they handle this. Inclusive of various possibilities, inclusive of various definitions of family. That comes up again in the section on all kinds of families, and I really love that they're so expansive in their definition. Chosen family matters, and I like that they recognize that. To finish my notes on this chapter, they're unsurprisingly good at covering vaginal and c-section births, too (no mention of pain or anything; I can't decide quite how I feel about that). In chapter 18 they're similarly evenhanded about explaining breastfeeding and bottle feeding.
Chapter 19: Cuddles and Kisses+ This is the chapter for older siblings-to-be. It's all about interactions between babies and other people, with a special focus on things siblings can do.
Chapter 20: All Kinds of Families+ Totally love this chapter. Most of the two pages are filled with cartoons of various types of families. Here's the text in full:
Almost all babies grow up in and are loved and taken care of by a family. Most babies are born into their family. Some babies and children are adopted into their family.
Some families have one child. Some families have two, or three, or four, or more children. Some families have a mommy and a daddy. Some have a mommy. Some have a daddy. Some have two mommies. Some have two daddies. Some kids live with a parent and a stepparent, or with an aunt, an uncle, a grandmother, or grandfather, or with a foster parent. Some kids live with one parent part of the time and with their other parent the rest of the time.
Sometimes, a parent or parents cannot take care of their baby or child. So they make a plan for their baby or child to be adopted -- to become part of another family. And that baby or child lives with, grows up with, and is loved and taken care of by the parent or parents who adopt them. And the baby or child becomes part of that parent's or parents' family. When that happens, that's called "adoption."
Parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents are all part of a person's family. And for many people, good friends, babysitters, and nannies are part of their families too. -- Love that last paragraph. Love it. ADORE it.
Chapter 21: Okay Touches, Not Okay Touches+ It's a good basic chapter on boundaries, but I was especially pleased to see that they took the time to note that masturbation is an "okay touch":
If you touch or rub the private parts of your own body because it tickles and feels good, that's an "okay touch"Chapter 22: Girls, Boys, Friends+
It doesn't matter how many friends you have, or if your friends are boys, or girls, or girls and boys. What matters most is being a good friend. -- Lovely! Then it goes ways of being a good friend, and reinforcement about maintaining boundaries with friends, saying "no" when you don't want to do something, respecting friends' wishes when they say "no" to something.
Thank You! credits:+ The credits at the end make it pretty clear that they've worked with the best and brightest of child education and reproductive health educators. Several of the folks listed work for
SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States -- awesome organization), others for Planned Parenthood's educational department. And there are a slew of early childhood educators and other health specialists represented as well.
Stats to back up my griping about transgender and intersex erasure:
North American dizygotic twinning occurs about once in 83 conceptions, and triplets about once in 8000 conceptions. In the US, there were over 136,000 multiple human births in 2003. A traditional approximation of the incidence of multiple pregnancies is as follows:
Twins 1:80
Triplets 1:80² = 1:6400
N-tuplets 1:80N-1
(see redbird's comment below for a statistical correction on multiple birth frequency)
How common is intersex?
Here’s what we do know: If you ask experts at medical centers how often a child is born so noticeably atypical in terms of genitalia that a specialist in sex differentiation is called in, the number comes out to about 1 in 1500 to 1 in 2000 births. But a lot more people than that are born with subtler forms of sex anatomy variations, some of which won’t show up until later in life.
Prevalence of transsexuality
Olyslager and Conway presented a paper at the WPATH 20th International Symposium arguing that the data from their own and other studies actually imply much higher prevalence, with minimum lower bounds of 1:4,500 male-to-female transsexuals and 1:8,000 female-to-male transsexuals for a number of countries worldwide. They estimate the number of post-op women in the US to be 32,000 and obtain a figure of 1:2500 male-to-female transsexuals. They further compare the annual incidences of SRS and male birth in the U.S. to obtain a figure of 1:1000 MTF transsexuals and suggest a prevalence of 1:500 extrapolated from the rising rates of SRS in the U.S. and a "common sense" estimate of the number of undiagnosed transsexuals.This matters to me for several reasons. First of all, I'll address intersexuality.
Intersexuality exists. Period. Scientific Fact. Biological sex isn't a dualism, it's a spectrum (well, arguably more than one, but even I'll agree that's too complicated for this age range!), with most folks clustered toward the ends, and some at various points in-between. Dualism vs spectrum is an important basic framework distinction that I'd rather see kids absorb accurately in the first place, even if it's just a minor mention that "some people are in the middle, we call these people "intersex". I honestly don't think even cultural conservatives have any ground to stand on in arguing that we should deny the existence of intersexuality, although I suspect they're much more likely to consider it a "defect" to be corrected than I am. So, logically, I think acknowledging the existence of intersexed people even in a book for kids this young shouldn't be controversial (I know, I know -- reality doesn't tend to agree with me here).
On the other hand, I do understand why cultural conservatives freak out over trans issues along with LGB issues, since they see those incredibly differently than I do (They're wrong. *harrumph*). But the book managed to handle the LGB just fine in a sentence or two here or there, without being horribly scandalous or anything. I'm just not sure why they decided to draw the line at including trans identity, when it could've fit in so well with their existing format and text. And realistically, trans identity often starts showing itself younger than LGB issues do, so a child may well already be encountering friends who vary on the gender spectrum as early as kindergarten (assuming they themselves aren't trans, and that's certainly an assumption I don't feel comfortable making). I'd be making less of a fuss about this if I knew it was addressed in either of the later two books Harris and Emberly wrote, but from what I've read in reviews, it apparently isn't. *sigh* So close to perfection, and yet so far...
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