Freaked about finances

God, I hate the shaking. The "dealing-with-creditors-where's-it-all-going-to-come-from" shaking/hyperventilating/heart pounding panic. Objectively, things are bad right now, but nowhere near as bad as they've been at their worst. I'm reacting more strongly than I need to, though, because it's hitting all those buttons. Those "what if it happens again" buttons -- my life's collapsed around me before, and I'm still not over the fear of it happening again, even though it's really not likely at the moment, and I'm a different person now than I was then, with better coping skills. Still, I hate those moments of panic. I'm going to go outside, read a chapter of Terry Pratchett, and try to get my autonomic nervous system under control now.

*giggle*

Email from a friend of mine today:

Dear Sarah,

HAVE YOU BEEN KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS?

from the local news:

"Woman abducted by Aliens"

(Cleveland) Last week residents on the near Westside reported seeing a very bright light, then their watches stopped and they lost consciousness. They awoke hours later to find their neighbor, Sarah "Sexual Freedom Now!!!" Young, age 27, missing. Members of local LGBT groups, NEOhio Poly Network, Bi and Beyond, the Cleveland Kinkies, the Ohio Gender and Sexuality Freedom Coalition and other radical organizations are holding a candlelight vigil and potluck on Public Square Jan. 3 from 6 to 10 pm, to be followed by a sex party at the Convention Center (formal dress optional: condoms, gloves, dams and lube donated by Body Language).
Police remain baffled by her disappearance and have been flooded by reports of "Sarah sightings".....

Just wondering, haven't heard from you: hope the holidays went well and that you are feeling generally good. Let me know how you've been: also any hot gossip. In case things are really awful, do call and let me know!

And now for some good stuff...

First of all, in regards to the stress post:

I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

In case I forget:

I can do this.

Still shaky, but feeling a little better. Realized that January is a three-paycheck month. I get paid biweekly, so about twice a year I get an extra paycheck in a calendar month, and this is one of them.

Finished LOTR last night. I haven't gotten any more sensible as I've gotten older. I used to fall asleep in class in high school all the time because I couldn't put down a book the night before and stayed up all night reading. Went to bed at 3am last night. Dumb, but predictable. Ah well. Now reading _The Truth_ by Pratchett. Very much what I need right now.

In News of the Weird, I had a two-and-half hour phone conversation with my cousin Tom last night. I haven't spoken to him in something like 15 years. Given that he's a conservative christian and I'm, well, me, we have a great deal in common. I have a very small extended family (only two cousins), and although I'm extremely close with my immediate family, I haven't been close to anyone in the extended family in a long, long time. There are some valid reasons for that, but I'm pleased that this happened.

Jen's coming into town tonight, and Katy's back in town, so I'm hoping I can get Jen, Katy, and Jamie together for coffee or something tonight. I think that would be good, and stress-reducing.

Completing the 100 things meme...

I got a start on this yesterday, but decided to just copy that over to this entry and complete it here. So, 1-65 are from a previous entry.

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