moominmuppet

NL and I had a really good conversation continuing out of my post yesterday, and I also thought of a few other things that are particularly relevant to how I handle poly in my life.
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Now that I've already been ridiculously posty today, here's your regularly scheduled Linketies post.

Random happy thing in my life: It's good to see Grafton making art again, fun to walk into the house and find random art suspended in the middle of the room.

Not exactly surprisingly, I'm actively working on converting NL to Who fandom; we had a great conversation last night about why it's one of the fictional worlds where I feel most ethically and morally "home". I couldn't agree more with Craig Ferguson: it's The Triumph Of Intellect And Romance Over Brute Force And Cynicism. It's hopeful, and loving, and compassionate. There's room for grand silliness and a deep sense of the ridiculous. If I had to pick a religion these days, I'd be happier believing in the Doctor than most deities.

Also, something I was thinking about in regard to my preference for a more crowded TARDIS in Doctor Who; I think it reflects my overall tendency toward networks and small groups instead of dyads (something that's a big part of why I'm poly, why I have the household structure I do, and numerous other aspects of my life).

New Orleans levees get a near-failing grade in new corps rating system

National Guard Airlifts Supplies to Vermont Towns Isolated by Irene's Flooding -- many good thoughts to Vermont; I've had nothing but wonderful experiences there.
More: State of Vermont Megapost

Cuyahoga County Council OKs absentee ballot mailing; Husted drops plan to block ballot applications

Exploring the Health Needs of Incarcerated Women -- This is near and dear to my heart. A loved one ended up with life-threatening cervical cancer because of lack of treatment in prison.
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Oh, time to watch Sarah twitch.

So. NL is awesome. I think I've made that pretty clear. Frankly, I don't generally choose to have non-awesome people in my life, so that's sort of unsurprising.

Beyond the awesomeness part is the other crucial factor -- compatibility. It's entirely possible to be an awesome person who isn't the least bit compatible with me, or is only in certain ways. I'm not compatible with the vast majority of the planet, and I'm really quite fine with that. NL and I certainly seem to be pretty ridiculously compatible (Hell, the all-knowing OKC algorithms say 99% or something obscene like that). It's a kind of compatibility that I have with my housemates and one or two other people in my life -- I need a lot of recharging time, and I can't relax fully enough and recharge while still being social (I'm just a bit too much of an introvert for that). The exception is with my housemates and those one or two other people. I really especially treasure those relationships as a result, especially since those are also the people I'm by far most able to cope with in the depths of depression, too. I seem to have that level of comfort with NL, even though we've known each other less than two months. That's huge and weird. I'm able to spend way more time around him than I can around almost anyone without getting claustrophobic and needing a break. It's really noticeable with sleeping; I usually need some alone (w/household) time before bed to wind down, and I generally prefer sleeping alone. Neither seem to be the case with him. I actually miss him when he doesn't sleep over. I'm very used to being able to predict my own reactions to things, and this is unsettling partially because I can't -- this is all really atypical for me.

So. Atypical, yes. Bad, certainly not. So why am I all freaked out?
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My coworker just told me that her concept of me is that I "come in, kick ass, and take names later".

It made me smile. And speaking of self-concept, and today's system issues, that is something the fibro basically hasn't taken away. Fibro or no, Bipolar or no, I'm still damned good at crises. I may need more recuperation after them, but in the heat of the moment I'm an excellent go-to person, whether it's coping with work outages, medical and vet emergencies, bail and other rescues, or what-have-you. So yay for that.

Moderation is not my middle name. Still really obsessively focused on the work project, but wanted to do at least some linketies before my mailbox explodes.

Random notes: Caleb rocks. He's been working on painting my room. We're all loving having the Smithsonian channel (we dumped Cinemax and picked up Smithsonian, MGM, and a few others). It's pretty much perfect for those of us who get way too little time at the actual Smithsonian museums; they seem to have a bunch of shows that are basically tours of collections. Yay for that! Also, we're completely hooked on How The States Got Their Shapes on the History channel. Fascinating lens for looking at American history. I'd really recommend it to folks with kids who like educational shows -- along with another favorite of mine, How The Earth Was Made -- both are well organized to be kids' educational programming, and I'm surprised they're not marketed more in that direction. And I did see the Torchwood premiere last night, but I'll reserve comment until I've rewatched it without dozing through a chunk (it was 3am by the time we got to it). Grafton's also slowly recovering from the nasty bout of sciatica, which is really good to see. Also, my folks are coming to visit at the end of the month, and we're going to go to the zoo!
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For those playing at home, just a heads up that I've posted a bunch more detail in the comments of the household organization post.

Also, congrats to my brother and sister-in-law, who just finished moving this weekend; now we'll be able to share homeowner horror stories.

Also, I've finally seen the Eighth Doctor TV movie. I have to say that watching all the special features really allowed me to understand it as a labor of love, and appreciate the good elements in it (the TARDIS, Paul McGann as a perfectly acceptable Doctor, etc), and mostly ignore the glaringly horrible crap (Half-human on his mother's side, the incoherent plot, the kissing, the awful performance of the Master). All in all, I had a good deal of fun with it, buffered as I was by all the warnings I'd heard previously.

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California congresswoman: a vendetta against Planned Parenthood has nothing to do with creating jobs or reducing the deficit
And a comment that includes more links and history: What sickens me is that Rep Speier is not the first woman to be "self-outed" as the recipient of an abortion in an effort to bring the point home. It's gotten to the point where our female politicians are being forced to disclose their medical histories to back their beliefs!

In Hour-Long Attack On Planned Parenthood, Beck Inexcusably Ignores Key Fact
You know what's especially extra-amazingly offensive about this? Aside from all the lies in general? He starts out with what seems to be intended to be a mostly rhetorical question: BECK: If I told you there were people in Afghanistan under the noses of our troops that were assisting mullahs that were keeping underaged girls in a slave trade and our troops were not reporting it and they were watching it go on, they were in fact assisting or advising the pimps, would you say those troops need to come home and be court-martialed? Those troops should not be serving us?
Really? REALLY? That's the example you're going to use? Because for once, I'll happily say Beck's right. He's right. We should go after anyone who does anything like that. LIKE DYNCORP. LIKE THE CONTRACTORS WE PAY. Somehow he seems to have missed that bit of actual news in his hunt to destroy scary left-wing purveyors of contraceptives, though. Nevermind that PP reported the scum to the FBI, and these contractors did nothing of the sort, and instead actively aided and abetted child prostitution. *rage*

Why I didn't have an abortion. -- Also, it's worth noting that the comment discussion clarifies further in useful ways. This reflects my story, too. My thoughts after the cut.

I'm fortunate and privileged and lucky that I haven't had to face this decision, at least yet (still 15-20 years to go, most likely). I had excellent and open sex ed from both family and school from a grade-school age (5th grade at a private school was head and shoulders above anything I received after that in public schools, but it laid the crucial groundwork, along with actively available info from my parents).

Although I didn't know of access to low-cost or free contraceptives when I first became sexually active, just after high school graduation, I did have the knowledge and confidence (thanks Mom!), to go to the pharmacy with my boyfriend to go condom-shopping. I also had the disposable income to buy them without worry. As soon as I got to college that fall, I had access to discounted contraceptives ($5/pack), and free condoms all over the place. I made use of both, got in the habit early of just always having protected sex, always using a backup method.

The one time I had a condom break when I wasn't using backup hormonal contraception, I was educated enough (thanks to a Female Sexuality class at college) to know about Emergency Contraception years before it was widely advertised information. I had access to a doctor I knew and trusted that I could immediately get ahold of for a scrip. As a favor, even though I had already graduated from college at that point, he only charged me college rates -- saw me free, and discounted the scrip (which was crucial, since I was broke).

From college on I've had uninterrupted health insurance for almost 20 years. Because I don't work for one of the many institutions that refuse to cover them (like the catholic hospital in our network), I had and have access to prescription coverage for the costs of my contraceptives, with relatively reasonable copays that I've generally been able to easily afford. My insurance is good enough that my preferred forms and brands have so far always been covered. I had the luxury of shopping around for a gyn I really trust and love, with whom I can easily have necessary conversations. Although I struggled some to find a good method, I've found options that work well with my body.

I have partners who share responsibility and, at times, costs of contraceptives. I have and have had partners who treat me and my body with respect and care. I've never been sexually assaulted in a way that created a risk of pregnancy. Lots of my sex over the years hasn't involved any risk of pregnancy at all.

All those advantages, and I've still had moments of panic and uncertainty, I'm still always aware of the risk, of the fact that "never me" only lasts until it doesn't. And despite the fact that so far it hasn't been me, abortion has been a part of my life since I was 16, since the first of many, many times the necessity or possibility has arisen amongst my friends and chosen family. When we talk about it, we're talking about our lives, not about some dry political debate. We're imagining what would happen if, what could've happened, we're applying the concepts to our lives. Because that's what it's about. It's about our lives. It's about what would've happened when my friends and I were 16 if Michigan had parental consent laws back then ("stern lecture" wasn't exactly on the list of possible responses in this situation). It's about what would've happened if my friends hadn't had the options they needed throughout the years. It's about the difference between choosing to have a child and being forced to carry one.

I get livid when folks imply that I just take this issue too seriously; it's at the core of my ability to choose the course of my life on the most intense and intimate level. And you know what's kind of interesting? When you do talk about it, when you are public about it, people talk to you. People who need an ear, or a referral, or who just know you're safe to share with. And sharing can be remarkably powerful, sometimes.

Also, as a note for my local friends, please be aware that I try to always keep a spare supply of condoms (including latex-free polyisoprene), emergency contraception, and pregnancy tests. If you are unable to get what you need elsewhere, either because of cost or access, be aware you're always welcome here.

Abortion rights activist Frances Kissling on why the movement is stuck in the past -- I disagree with her pretty thoroughly, especially her seemingly willful disregard for the fact that we _already_ make most of the distinctions she’s talking about (post-viability/third trimester requires medical/psychiatric need already, dammit! [also, since that cuts off unless you’re a member, have some wikigoodness; important note: the “reasons” listed is for 16 weeks and up, not for post-viability situations approximately two months beyond that point]). She’s got a long history with the movement, but the last few articles I’ve seen from her have gotten more and more baffling. I don’t really know what to make of it, but I do love watching the commenters tear this article apart in the meantime.

Texas to women: we'll manipulate you into keeping that fetus!

Nancy Pelosi's extremely blunt assessments of the true motives of Republicans are why her supporters love her and her enemies hate her with equal passion, and on a conference call with bloggers just now, she unleashed a slashing attack on the House GOP's new anti-abortion push that may churn up emotions on both sides.

Walk for Choice 2011

Rachel does it again. -- per a commenter: The segment that followed featured two Republican members of the Wyoming state legislature who were objecting to the radical abortion bill that was in debate... one of whom shared her personal story of having an abortion, and why the state needed to GTFO, from a purely libertarian point of view. It was pretty emotional and amazing.

On Labor

I had some followup thoughts on what I was saying the other day about mood cycles (much of this applies also to handling the fibro flares, although I probably won't focus as much on that at the moment).

First of all, it seems useful to clarify some very distinct forms of coping strategies. There are those that are primarily about riding out different mood states with a minimum of misery or life damage, and there are those that are about trying to influence the mood states themselves. In both cases there are mental and practical elements. I use varying combinations with fluxuating levels of success.
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So excited! Had a really good meeting today with Casey and folks from the SANE program at Metro. We're designing a new element for their training program, and I'm really excited about it; I've been interested in working with the SANE program for years. It's a great chance to make use of the skills I've learned in the past decade of patient-instructing in order to support a program I really believe in (I love patient-instructing, but this is a great chance to do something additional). It'll be quite different from patient-instructing; we'll be role-playing through the whole sexual assault kit exam, from interviews to sample collection, but there are a lot of skills I already have that will apply well, especially in terms of handling the spec exam. So, yes, very excited!


And also, just a couple of random followup thoughts from my previous ramblings:

I tend toward definitions that err on the side of inclusiveness

Intimate personal activism something I learned from feminism and especially queerness (out as political)

Oddly, I'd say evangelism is a form of activism. Weird that I have such a squick about it.

I'm really tired, or I'd expand on those (they're the notes I sent myself when the thoughts crossed my mind).

Unrelated to this post, watching Neil Degrasse Tyson play with dogs is ridiculously happymaking. (watching NovaScienceNow)

Following on my post about depression and such: I ended up writing all this in a comment reply, and it seems more like its own post than anything else. I'm going to add and edit at least a bit here, fyi.

Sleep patterns are another part of the convolution for me; I definitely have sleep disorders (oh, the joys of sleep studies), and that plays into everything too. Feeling like I'm sleeping my life away really fuels the depression in the long run, though. When I've been able to stabilize my sleep patterns it's definitely helped. I really need to give the CPAP another try, see if I can manage to live with it without it making me miserable. The mask model that I have isn't uncomfortable, but I take it off in my sleep, and generally just hate it (I sleep on my stomach cuddled up with piles of critters; this isn't conducive to good cpap protocol).

On social dynamics and anxieties:
I'm having a very weird time with something a bit similar; since I decided to get on Facebook, reconnect with lots of old college friends, and crosspost my LJ there in the interests of greater connection, I've also been having recurrences of social anxieties that I thought were years in my past. I don't want to disconnect FB and LJ, because I find the challenge of handling that to be overall useful, but it's definitely something I'm struggling with. It's part of my personal approach to the world to attempt to be as uncompartmentalized as possible, but sometimes it's hard to know whether I'm allowing that goal to simply lead to a chilling effect on my communication in general.

On mood swings and libido:
I've joked at least since college about my sex life always being "feast or famine". When I was younger, I thought that was about the world around me, and now I realize it's about me and my own cycles. It was a weird thing to discover/acknowledge. I tend to actively avoid most sexual content, including friends' posts and such, when I'm in this kind of asexual mode; it makes me uncomfortable in strange ways that are partly about feeling disconnected from the topic, and partly about feeling like I shouldn't feel that way, and partly about not wanting to have to explain again about why I'm so different some times than others (it's not "not tonight dear" with me, it's "not this month/season", and that's very different to navigate in my experience, especially since I tend to turn off to platonic touch and general romance as well). Also, I just feel plain bad for confusing the hell out of people on a regular basis because of this weirdness in my brain. It's not just about the bedroom; it impacts my interaction style in all sorts of ways. Activism around sexuality has always been really important to me, and it's awkward to feel like one of my primary personal and political interests is in something that sometimes I can't connect to at all. I think having these periods is part of why I haven't gone into some of the career fields I've seriously considered, and sometimes that makes me sad.